Hillary’s new drug to fight entitlement outbreak


hillary valeant drug bernie entitlement

Hillary’s Clinton Global Initiative is always on the lookout for new opportunities to help people. A viral breakout has inflicted millions of college students and unemployed millennials. Using her strong health care experience, Hillary may team up with pharmaceutical giant Valeant (VRX) to develop a new antibiotic drug to combat this tragic outbreak.

Ebola, Bird Flu, Swine Flu and now Zika viral outbreaks around the world have shown that no one is immune to catching a bug that could have lasting side effects. The current outbreak of the Entitlement virus is inflicting young people at an alarming rate. Symptoms include the following:

  • Loss of motivation
  • Chronic unemployment
  • Outbursts of anger
  • Inability to care or provide for one’s self
  • Spontaneous kleptomania desires
  • Onset fear of oranges
  • Susceptibility to irrational ideas
  • Parental financial dependence
  • Fear and loathing of success
  • Itchy, berning sensations

Sensing an opportunity to win over her opponent’s voters after her inevitable win, Hillary may seize on the opportunity to help young voters ease their suffering and depression by elevating their pain with new antibiotics.

Underdeveloped Brains are Most Affected by Outbreak

These new synthetic drugs may use advances in genetics designed to target undeveloped areas of the brain. Scientists have proved in studies that brains are not fully formed until age 25-30. The pace of brain development is  often attributed to parental coddling and under consumption of genetically modified organisms (GMO) found in foods like corn and soy. Cases of excess estrogen in young males due to high soy milk consumption has made millions of young men susceptible to this new entitlement outbreak.  A lack of naturally formed gluten in diets is also a contributing factor.

According to Mental Health Daily, there are four stages of brain development that can be affected by environmental upbringing.

  1. Myelination: The nerve fibers in your brain are covered with a substance called “myelin.” This helps provide insulation so that neurons can efficiently transmit signals. During early developmental stages, the process of myelination helps normal brain functioning and allows for more complex brain activity.
  2. Synaptic pruning: This is a process by which brain synapses are selectively “pruned” or eliminated throughout brain development. The process of synaptic pruning tends to peak during teenage years, and decreases in later adolescence.  Pruning continues until the brain is fully developed (likely into the late-20s). This allows for more efficient brain functioning. Studies have shown that extreme over pruning can lead to severe cases of schizophrenia. Mild cases of over pruning have led to irrational thinking and overdependence on others.
  3. Increased connectivity: The connections between brain areas appear to be reinforced, making communication more efficient. The brain is able to transmit greater amounts of rational information between regions and becomes better at planning, dealing with emotions, and problem solving. This growing of connections is often overexpressed outwardly through virtual connections. Unhealthy use of social media and mobile devices have rewired brain connections to crave social media validation. Unfiltered thoughts are released through finger actions infecting others with nonsensical ideas.
  4. Executive functions: A majority of the executive functions that we develop are via the prefrontal cortex. This allows us to help assess risk, think ahead, evaluate ourselves, gain motivation, and regulate normal emotions. Although many of these functions are developed during teenage years, they are still at risk of environmental degradation and development is slowly strengthened into the mid-20s. Underdeveloped brains or over pruning of synapses may lead to reality distortion and susceptibility to unrealistic ideas.

How This New Drug May Work

The over pruning of synapses due to parental overprotection and and increased use of social media are major factors in developing this tragic condition. As America’s youth infect others through tweets and snapchats, their brains begin to crave socialistic ideals. This drug targets the bacterial like growth within the brain that fills the large empty voids created by a lack of challenges.

This new drug may work like an antibiotic, killing off the infection within the brain. As the sufferer’s brain infection is worn down, their unrealistic idealism subsides.

Initial tests have been successful in treating patients who have had severe berning symptoms and turning them into rational people who desire mainstream media and generic corporate messaging.

In some cases, test subjects were cured completely and found themselves identifying as republicans.

(This is a Hillary Clinton April Fools Day Article)


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Jennifer Wilkens

Jennifer has a degree in communications from Utah Valley University and enjoys writing business and financial news articles. She loves snowboarding and spending time with her two kids.

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